Giving Yourself Permission

For a long time, I lived my life thinking I had to follow rules set by someone else. By that, I am not talking about the law or other regulations. I’m talking about locking myself in a prison where the walls were the expectations of countless people around me: parents, family, community, co-workers, bosses, clients, and more. Now, while there is nothing wrong with wanting your family or anyone else to be happy, your life starts going off-track when you forget that your own happiness and fulfillment counts, too. Your own happiness and fulfillment is more your business than anyone else’s – YOU are responsible for living your own life to the fullest.

I found myself around the mid-2000s in a job where I was being bullied by a co-worker and pretending to everyone at work that I was strong, happy, and competent. I was professionally quite capable, but emotionally, because of that man’s abuse and the stress of the many roles I had overextended myself to do on the job, I was really quite broken. That extreme stress led me to become ill. I was diagnosed with idiopathic Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). “Idiopathic” meant the cause was unknown. My doctor told me likely it was due to stress at work, since no other causes had been found in all the tests and physical exams that had been done. A year after I left that job, all symptoms just disappeared and I returned to normal.

That was just the start of finding myself and learning how to give myself permission to be myself, however. The next big lesson came in 2008, when my father died. In the first year without him, I felt very lost, and tried to figure out who I was. I decided he would want me to be happy, but the work I was doing was not fully aligned with my Soul’s purpose, as I have come to describe it. This inner journey led me to step out of my management job and finally seek to teach and speak as the crux of my career.

Starting again can be terrifying. How do you leave behind the financial stability of a 15-year career and start at the bottom again? I remember thinking how selfish it was to throw my husband into the insecurity of a new career, a much smaller paycheque, and no job security as I would now be working from contract to contract. And yet, wasn’t it also unfair to both of us that my old job was unfulfilling and the work stress was constantly bleeding over to disrupt our relationship? If I was going from job to job and feeling stressed and unfulfilled, I started to realise the job wasn’t the only thing that was off. It boiled down to my behaviours and attitudes, too.

The decision about whether to strike out in a different direction is just one option open to us as we find ourselves and align our passion and purpose in life. Perhaps, for you, it does not need to be as drastic as starting again. Perhaps it is just developing your ability to do something you have always dreamed of – painting, dancing, writing, singing, spending some more time to rebuild your health and strength through better meals and exercise, reconnecting with someone or something. Whatever it is, you need only look within to find out what’s right for you. You can give yourself permission to smile and laugh more by finding yourself through these explorations. In just an hour or two regularly invested in something you’re longing to do, you can let your light shine brighter, choose yourself a little more, and see more joy in every day.

So ask yourself: What’s on the inside, knocking, and waiting to be shown or seen? What have I always longed to do or become that I feel is an integral part of becoming more fully myself? What will bring me the joy and fulfillment that I so deserve to have in this life? What simple step(s) can I take to choose me today?