COPING WITH OVERWHELM

Especially in this past year, have you (like me) found that all the aspects of our lives have become harder to segment and keep separate from each other? Now, many working people’s days are requiring that they manage children’s schooling while meeting their own work demands, and managing their home all in the same time period. This while there are more limited shopping choices and perhaps increased prices, greater threats to our health and clashing opinions across societal groups that give rise to conflicts in our personal circles. And somewhere in the scenario, we should remember to practice healthy eating and get enough intentional movement in so we can boost our health and fitness, see to our spiritual wellbeing, fit time in for intellectual, character and personal development, keep up our various relationships with immediate and extended family, friends, and acquaintances, and perhaps cope with losing loved ones.

Little wonder that many people are feeling overwhelmed, like there is far too much on their plate so that they are forced to choose what to do and what to forego. When we experience overwhelm, it is normal to pass judgement on ourselves. Most people tend to be their own harshest critic. Is that the case for you? In my case, a couple of years ago, that was definitely true. If I forgot something, I would hit myself on the head and say something negative like, “Forgetting again! Soon you will forget your own name!” or something disparaging like, “Dummy! Can’t you do simple things without messing up?!” Did those examples of my mistreatment of myself make you squirm? Do you behave like this to yourself? Neither you nor I deserve to be this unkind to ourselves. We’d never treat someone else this terribly, so why do we do that to ourselves?

Here’s a simple exercise to help you tune in to the way you speak to yourself.

Step 1: Jot down a few of the biggest challenges you’ve had and/or mistakes you’ve made this past week. Skip a few lines between each.

Step 2: After each item you wrote down in Step 1, write down 1 or 2 things you might have said to yourself that would have been examples of emotionally, mentally, or physically putting yourself down, belittling yourself, doubting your capability, or downplaying your contributions. Take a minute to jot down how these messages affect you emotionally.

Step 3: Consider what you would have said instead, if you were speaking to someone other than yourself. Notice whether you tend to be more supportive, forgiving, and enabling to others than to yourself.

Step 4: Write yourself a little note, acknowledging 2 or 3 observations of your own positive qualities, actions, contributions etc. and how indispensable you are to the functioning of your family, place of work, etc. Take a minute again and notice how these new messages affect you emotionally.

Step 5: Write down what you’ve learned about how you experience overwhelm and what you can do to make daily challenges land more gently for you.